"Dear God don't grow up past this age" said every father ever.
The 1920s were a much simpler time. Men were dressed like sirs, women never left the kitchen, whores were much classier, and organized crime was rampant (my only research came from Boardwalk Empire). Back then girls also hit puberty later, by five years roughly. Marcia Herman-Giddens started noticing something while working in a pediatric clinic at Duke University Medical Center. As time has progressed, girls are hitting puberty earlier and earlier in their lives, starting at about 10 years old roughly. While doctors recognize the trend, they're not sure what's causing it. More and more reasons for me to not have a daughter. Not only do I have to worry about her turning into a whore if I don't keep her in a prison cell, I have to worry about it at a younger age. There's no part of me that wants to even remotely deal with that. You mean to tell me my daughter is going to develop a serious attitude problem at the age of 10? Looks like I'm going to be spending eight years in Mexico avoiding that instead of the prearranged four. That would be a long time to be away from my wife and leave her with a devil in the house, but I don't think my body could physically take it. TL;DR Girls hit puberty five years sooner than they did in the 1920s. Onset of puberty in girls has fallen by five years since 1920 [The Guardian] Posted by Atkins under Health
Now this doesn't seem like such a stupid idea.
In a new research experiment out of UC Santa Barbara, researchers have found a substance in beer than could help prevent muscle tissue from deteriorating, keeping them strong into old age. The substance known as 8-prenylnarigenin has shown in lab rats that it helps sustain muscle tissue. Of course in order to obtain the positive effects of the substance you would need to drink between 22 and 5,000 gallons of beer per day. So instead, the research team is trying to create health drinks enriched with 8-prenylnarigenin, otherwise people everywhere would be killing themselves with beer. I'm not 100 percent certain, but I think that I drink roughly 22 gallons of beer every week. I know that's not every day, but I think I could step up my drinking habits. There's no reason alcoholic homeless people should have a better chance at keeping their muscles than I should. This just goes to show why rednecks seem to keep all of their strength, even when they reach ages of 70 or above. Drinking every day on their front lawn while waiting for their welfare check prepares them to be impossible to deal with when they get older and develop Alzheimer's. That's what nurses want at a nursing home, an old man who can't remember his name capable of beating up everybody within a 20 foot radius. TL;DR There is a substance in beer that can help prevent muscle tissue from deteriorating, keeping them strong into old age. So Apparently, Beer Can Help Keep Muscle Tissue Strong in Old Age [Foodbeast] Posted by Atkins under Health
You shouldn't sleep in, which will give you more time to stare at her while she sleeps, like a psycho.
Anybody who works a job during the week knows how great the weekend can be. It's exactly like being a kid again, getting drunk and sleeping in (my childhood may have varied from yours). For others, they just want the chance to catch up on some sleep they missed during the week because their job is taking over their life. According to new research, sleeping in on the weekends makes it even harder to wake up come Monday. The reason being that sleeping in delays your circadian (or daily) clock, so you fall asleep later on Sunday and have trouble waking up on Monday. Researchers say the best option is to go to sleep earlier rather than wake up later. Well this pretty much ruins my entire weekend before it even gets here. How am I supposed to go out for a night of drinking if I'm not allowed to sleep in? I guess the only option is to start drinking earlier so that I reach my tipping point at about 11 instead of two in the morning. There's other advantages to that as well that I'm sure nobody even thought of. Those late-night/early-morning trips to McDonald's happen earlier which means, you guessed it, no lines. Not only that, but police won't be expecting you to be driving drunk at 11 because what kind of alcoholic gets drunk that early? You, that's who. All in the name of keeping your body in rhythm. TL;DR Sleeping in disturbs your body's circadian clock making it harder to wake up for work come Monday. Lie-in at the weekend makes you sleepier during the week [The Telegraph] Posted by Atkins under Health
Pulling your boss around like a horse can also cause chronic back pain.
Something that will make you hate your job more than anything is often a bad or incompetent boss. There's nothing like being led by somebody who doesn't really know what they're doing or is just an asshole. According to psychologist Robert Hogan there can be a much worse effect than you simply questioning your boss' managing qualifications. A bad boss can create inordinate amounts of stress in a person's life, and stress can lead to a number of physical ailments like a weakened immune system and an increase in your risk of a heart attack. With the economy still suffering and people fighting for jobs, the odds of you being placed under a person you're more qualified than are fairly high. It's not exactly the best feeling to have a master's degree with a low entry-level job to ruin any self-esteem you may have once had. I always wonder how people who are incompetent become managers in the first place? Just because somebody works at a company for 10 years that means they should be in charge of other people? That's how you end up with employees who quit solely because their bosses are complete morons. Although not everybody has the luxury of waiting for the perfect job which has increased the amount of defecation on management's desks in recent years. TL;DR Having a bad boss can create a huge amount of stress in your life that directly affects your physical health. Bad bosses can be bad for your health [USA Today] Posted by Atkins under Health
She holds the secret to immortality in her hands.
I used to think that the time of the year you were born only determined how old you were when you graduated. Take me for example, I'm a May baby so I had just turned 18 when I graduated from high school, turns out I also most likely won't live past 100. Sweet. A study conducted by the University of Chicago turned up evidence that centenarians are more likely to have been born in the fall. If you were born in the spring like me, living past 100 probably isn't in the cards for you. This is great news on a Monday; the perfect way to ruin my week before it even starts. I'm not that mad though, I doubt I would want to live past 100 anyway. Sure I had a great uncle who lived past 100 and was in perfect health (for a person who lived a century), but most people who live past 100 are so frail I'm not sure it's worth living. "Okay come on Timmy, we're going to visit grandpa for his 102nd birthday but you can't touch him or he'll explode." That's not living to me. TL;DR If you're born in the spring, those born in the fall will be sure to stop by your funeral while they celebrate their 100th birthday. People Who Live to Be Over 100 Tend to be Born in the Fall [Medical Daily] Posted by Atkins under Health
 Nothing makes you feel like crap in the morning more than staying up late doing absolutely nothing I've always had sneaking suspicions about morning people because they always seem far more chipper than night owls. They're in your face when you show up to work and never shut the hell up when you're trying to simply adjust to the sunlight. I always thought it was because people who stay up late are battling hangovers, turns out that early birds are just happier. It's most likely because life revolves around a morning schedule, whether it's waking up for work or school, you're waking up for something. Obviously morning people are happier than the night owls. Some people probably think it's because of the social influences on having to always wake up early for something but it goes much deeper than that. When I wake up I feel like a piece of shit because other people have been awake for hours and I'm struggling to climb out of my bed at noon on a Saturday. When you come to the realization that you're a stain on society's underwear because your one and only talent is getting drunk, you're unhappy. TL;DR Morning people are happier than night owls, probably because they're better people. Morning People Are Actually Happier Than Night Owls [LiveScience] Posted by Atkins under Health
A startling report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention details an epidemic that the rest of the world laughs at the U.S. for. The CDC predicts that by the year 2030, 42 percent of the U.S. will be obese. Don't mix that up with overweight, they say that 42 percent will be obese. In addition to that they predict that 11 percent will be severely obese, which is 100 pound overweight or more. Fat people being everywhere isn't even the worst part, the worst part is that there would be an increase of an estimated $550 billion in health care costs. Is it really that hard to not stuff your face with food all the time? For some people it literally is a debilitating mental issue and some people have medical problems, but what about everybody else? Just because you have no self control and can't put the fork down doesn't mean that my health care costs should go up. How is that fair? I watch what I eat and go to the gym every now and then, why can't everybody else? You don't have time? There's nobody with less free time than me, walk your fat ass to the gym. TL;DR By the year 2030 the entire planet will implode under the weight of fat people. Fat Forecast: 42% of Americans Could Be Obese by 2030 [TIME] Posted by Atkins under Health
A new commercial coming out of India is taking the media by storm because everybody hates the product it's advertising. Clean and Dry Intimate Wash is a pH-balanced skin whitening cleanser to be used if your vagina is too dark. I don't really understand the purpose behind it because that doesn't make sense to me, but maybe I just don't know anything about women. The ad depicts the guy as uninterested in his girlfriend until she uses Clean and Dry Intimate Wash, when the problem might just be that he's gay. I may be over thinking this a little bit, but if you have darker skin wouldn't lightening just one area be weird as all hell? I think the overarching concern is women using a skin altering product on a sensitive area. After all I don't care what my penis looked like, I'm not putting anything on it that will make it change colors. If you don't like it you're going to have to deal with it, I'm not pouring poison on my most treasured appendage. TL;DR A new trend coming out is for women to lighten their vaginas, much to the displeasure of pretty much everybody. Skin-Lightener for Women’s Private Parts Sparks Controversy [TIME] Posted by Atkins under Health
 "I only have a cough but the internet told me I have a brain tumor." Whenever anybody gets sick nowadays they immediately go online and try to find out what's wrong with them. After all going to a doctor who went to school for 10 years costs upwards of $20 if you have health insurance, and that's a case of beer. In reality women have been suffering side effects because of treatments they've administered to themselves because of misdiagnoses thanks to the internet. The most common is women misdiagnosing themselves as having thrush, high blood pressure or asthma when they really had breast cancer. If there was ever an epidemic that was plaguing the country, this is it. Any time I have so much as a cough I go online and try to find out if I'm dying. Fortunately I know enough to keep looking through symptoms to figure out what I actually have and I've never diagnosed myself wrong. But the amount of panic that swells up inside me when I see I my chest pain means I might be missing my heart is astounding. If I wasn't able to calm myself down I'd probably start killing people and take their hearts. This is what the internet does to people. TL;DR Women misdiagnose themselves so often that they suffer side effects from incorrect treatments. Danger of Dr Google: 25 per cent of women misdiagnose themselves on the internet [DailyMail] Posted by Atkins under Health
He's fully aware that he's slowly killing himself.
In a new report by the World Lung Foundation and the American Cancer Society it has been found that if smoking trends continue a billion people will die this century from it, that's a person every six seconds. Seems pretty steep but tobacco has already killed 50 million people in the past 10 years. I'm not really sure where we're putting all those dead people, at this point I'm just assuming we've been shooting them into the Sun, at least that's how I would want to go out. It might not seem like it with those numbers either but smoking is on the decline in the developed world. Am I the only person who doesn't care about this in the slightest? The only reason I wrote about it is because I'm sure there are a good amount of people that do care, but I'm not one of them. There's a warning label right on cigarettes that tell you if you smoke them you will get cancer and die, people know what they're getting themselves into. At this point just let them kill themselves, that's what it means to be an American, to be free. This is 'merica, we speak 'merica; if I want to run down the street butt naked with an American flag as a cape and a cigarette in my mouth then I'm going to do it. Well not the naked part because that's illegal, but the rest of it still applies. TL;DR Cigarettes are killing a lot of people but it's their choice so let them smoke. Smoking deaths triple over decade: tobacco report [Reuters] Posted by Atkins under Health
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