If I were to walk up to a random woman and tell her that flirting would move her up in her career, I most undoubtedly would be slapped, or at the very least shot a dirty look. She would think that I'm trying to be a chauvinistic asshole, but I'm really just reiterating research from the University of California.

Professor Laura Kray (since a woman found this it must be true) found that women who flirt in the workplace convey confidence to others, an important quality for moving up the ladder. As it turns out, people are also willing to give more to women who are more flirtatious. Who knew?

I think this just goes to show that even though women are fighting for equality, it's never a fair fight. If women actually had equal opportunities in this country (they think they do but they don't), men would get trampled because we can't stop staring at their tits long enough to stay on top. That's why women always have to be at a disadvantage to men, because they can move their career forward simply by flirting. That's not fair, flirting with my boss never gets me anywhere. Just a couple weeks of awkward encounters around the water cooler and hiding in my cubicle until it's time to go home.

TL;DR A new study finds that women flirting in the workplace is good for their career.

Why Flirting at Work May Be a Good Idea [LiveScience]

Posted by Atkins under Science

Every day I look for some proof that browsing Reddit isn't detrimental to my productivity and now I've finally found one. A new study by Hiroshima University found that looking at pictures of baby animals helps you become a more careful worker. Researchers had male and female students perform a virtual task then repeat it after looking at certain pictures. Some looked at baby animals, some looked at adult animals, and some looked at pleasant looking food. The participants who looked at baby animals gave more accurate answers, possibly because of positive emotions.

This just means that I have to spend less time browsing /r/WTF and more time browsing /r/aww. That's fine with me because I don't like looking at mutilated bodies and such during the better part of my day. I would rather watch a gif of a kitten trying to climb into its food bowl over a gif of a kitten being tossed into a river. And for the record you're not a member of the internet until you've seen something that would horrify a normal person to their very soul. At this point I'm so desensitized that I'm not sure if the positive emotions from staring at cute animals can save me anymore.

TL;DR Looking at baby animals helps your productivity, so start rifling through pictures of puppies.

Looking at Adorable Baby Animals Improves Productivity [The Atlantic Wire]

Posted by Atkins under Science

When it comes to Facebook, everybody wants to be the bell of the ball. According to a new study out of the University of Missouri you can be, as long as your friends aren't douchebags. The study finds that how people perceive your attractiveness is heavily affected by how positive the comments on your profile picture is. The reason being that people normally rely on others' opinions when forming their own impressions, so what everybody else thinks of you is extremely important to what they think of you.

I guess it's time for me to start tearing everybody else's profile pictures down with mean comments so I come out on top. You think you're looking good in your picture? I think that your double-chin would like to have a word with you. You looked spectacular when you went out on the town with your friends? I think you looked like a horse, and now by proxy, everybody else does too. The most important part of this study is this; what type of person would take time out of their day to post a mean comment on somebody else's picture? If you have friends like that you should probably find ones, yours are terrible.

TL;DR The more positive comments you have on your profile picture, the more people think you're attractive.

Facebook Users Judge Attractiveness Based on Others’ Comments [STUDY] [Mashable]

Posted by Atkins under Science

Breast cancer is something that seems to be turning up more and more in women, but there is a way to reduce the risk of being diagnosed with it, a way that I don't think any woman will like to hear. Researchers have found that women who do six hours of housework a day can cut their risk of breast cancer by up to 13 percent. Even just two to three hours of gardening has the chance to reduce the risk by six percent. What researchers were hoping to emphasize is that physical activity is a key factor for staying healthy.

For a society that would like to improve equality for women, telling them that housework will keep them healthy might not go over so well. Every man would love to have a wife that wants to stay home, clean the house and make him dinner, but women don't want to do that anymore. Men are more likely to end up doing that type of stuff nowadays because they've lost all of their manhood. Gone are the days when men could come home drunk after a solid day's work of sexually harassing their secretaries and have dinner waiting on the table, so whipping up a research study to bring those days back seems like a bad idea.

TL;DR A new study shows that six hours of housework a day can reduce women's risk for breast cancer by up to 13 percent.

Six hours of housework per day may reduce risk of breast cancer: study [The Telegraph]

Posted by Atkins under Science

One thing that I've always admired about animals is that they're blissfully unaware of the world around them. They just act on impulse, then they die and people are sad for a week until they get a new puppy. According to some prominent scientists though, animals have a conscious awareness just like humans do. They're fully aware of their environment and surroundings, completely capable of understanding what is happening around them. The levels of conscious awareness most likely aren't at a human's level, like being self aware, but they still comprehend more than people thought they did.

I need a list of which animals have conscious awareness and which animals don't, because if I can get my parents' dog to understand that I hate it I would be very happy. I'm also not sure if this means I need to stop pulling the legs off of bugs anymore because it's one of my favorite past times. I know you're going to say "that's the behavior of a serial killer," but I don't think it is, I think it's the behavior of somebody who hates bugs. If they're aware of their surroundings then putting their heads on little spikes and lining my windows with them isn't determined crazy anymore, it's a sign to the other bugs to stay the hell out of my house.

TL;DR Scientists have determined that animals have conscious awareness just like humans do.

Prominent scientists sign declaration that animals have conscious awareness, just like us [io9]

Posted by Atkins under Science

I would think that most people either have a cat or have had a cat at some point in their lives. One of the things that happens when you own a cat is when you sit down to eat, your buddy will be right there next to you, waiting for you to give him some. You think it's adorable and he just wants some food, but vets believe your cat is borderline insane, suffering from "psychogenic abnormal feeding behavior." That's right, they believe that your cat begging for food means that he has lost his mind and you should probably stop letting him watch you eat.

How does somebody make a claim like this and isn't immediately laughed at? "Your cat is begging for food? Well that's a clear sign of insanity, because no other animal on the planet begs for food." Oh really? I guess I've been kicking down orphans who beg me for the hamburger I eat in front of them on Tuesdays for absolutely no reason then. It could be that any animal that's begging for food is either starving or just poorly trained. I think that vets say this because everybody hates cats deep down inside. When dogs beg it's cute, when cats beg they've lost their damn minds.

TL;DR Vets believe that cats only beg for food because they have a mental condition where they're almost insane.

Cats that pester for food could be suffering from psychological condition [The Telegraph]

Posted by Atkins under Science

By now everybody should know that drinking increases your odds of having sex, mainly because either the girl you're bringing home doesn't notice how much of a loser you are or you don't notice how much of a troll she is. A new study from the University of Buffalo shows that it's a lot easier to unintentionally overdrink with something like a Red Bull and vodka because the caffeine makes it harder to comprehend how intoxicated you actually are.

I don't know if this is news that should be allowed out on the internet. Now there's going to be a lot of guys loading girls up with Jagerbombs so they have no clue how much they've actually drank. This is basically a lesson in Date Rape 101. Not only do girls have to worry about any drink a guy gives them because of the possibility of being roofied, but now she has to worry about the guy who simply seems like one of the nice ones buying her drinks. Little does she know that he's getting her so liquored up she won't have any clue what's happening. It's like college all over again.

TL;DR A new study shows that if you're drinking caffeinated alcohol you're more likely to have sex because you can't tell how drunk you are.

Alcohol, Energy Drinks Increase Probability Of Casual Sex: University At Buffalo Study [Huffington Post]

Posted by Atkins under Science

I've been trying to tell people for years that pop music is terrible and nobody ever believes me, now I have scientific proof that it sucks. Researchers in Spain have been breaking down audio and lyrical data and what they've come up with is that pop music, over the last 50 years, has become louder and boring. Pop songs now have less diversity in the chords, melodies and types of sounds used, meaning that they all sound the same now.

I distinctly remember that my parents used to tell me all the music I listened to sounded the same and as I get older I'm saying the same thing. Turns out there's a scientific reason behind it, and that reason is music is starting to suck. This only applies to pop music though, so I'm glad I'm not a person who listens to that crap because those people are awful. They'll happily belt out the latest and greatest song while I'm sitting there wondering what the impact of a brick to their face would be like. Another thing you need to wonder is how much trouble you would get into if you decided to hit them with a brick. It's not the same as punching them and could be considered a weapon, you need to think these things through before you save the world from their voice.

TL;DR Science has proven that pop music all sounds the same.

Pop music too loud and all sounds the same: official [Reuters]

Posted by Atkins under Science

If you're anything like me, or most people for that matter, you normally try not to run over defenseless animals making their way across the street. NASA engineer Mark Rober wanted to find out if everybody is like you and me or if there are some people who like to crush helpless animals for absolutely no reason.

His findings were a little disturbing, showing that six percent out of his 1000 car study went out of their way to kill an animal with their car. Rober put either plastic turtles, snakes, or tarantulas on the shoulder of the road to see if anybody would try to hit them. Since the props were put on the shoulder that means the driver would have to swerve out of their lane to hit what they thought was an animal. Of course there were some good Samaritans who went out of their way to pull over and help the animal across, but for the most part people just drove by.

I usually go out of my way to not kill animals that don't pose an immediate threat to me to the point where I don't even kill spiders, I just pick them up and put them outside. Not everybody needs to be like that, not too long ago a spider bit my foot and it swelled up like a balloon, so I can see some hesitation to let them live. But going out of your way to kill something as precious as a turtle is serial killer behavior. It's a turtle, what's it going to bother? That would be like running up to an old person in a wheelchair and clubbing them simply for being old.

TL;DR Most drivers are normal human beings, but about six percent of them will go out of their way to run over an animal.

Posted by Atkins under Science

I always assumed that men were smarter than women because women's brains are so small, like the size of a walnut. It turns out that for the first time in history, women are starting to edge out men in terms of IQ; say it isn't so. Men and women's average IQs are increasing, but women's IQs are increasing faster than men's. IQ expert James Flynn believes that "the full effect of modernity on women is only just emerging" as well.

Other than fighting each other is there anything left for men to do? Roles are starting to reverse and pretty soon men will start growing breasts and vaginas. At this point the only thing I'm good at is lifting stuff, drinking beer and making women feel uncomfortable through series of awkward comments. Pretty soon the only thing I'll be good for is my reproductive ability, and women can get that from sperm banks with donors who are far more impressive than me. Soon women will just be taking what they need from men, which will probably only leave one guy for every 10 women, so I guess it's not so bad.

TL;DR Women have higher IQs than men leading me to believe that men are going to become obsolete.

Women Have Higher IQs Than Men, Says Science [Yahoo!]

Posted by Atkins under Science