I'm more concerned about the pictures of children popping up.
Stalking your friends through Facebook can be a hassle sometimes. Some have hundreds of photos and you don't want to look through all of the pictures of meals they had, you just want to get to the ones where they're wearing bikinis. That's where Badabing! comes in, an app that rifles through your friends' pictures and finds all of the ones where they have a lot of skin showing. For only $1.99 you can condense your stalking to take roughly half the amount of time. I don't know who came up with this but it has to be the creepiest group of people on the planet. Only a future rapist would think "there's no apps out there that can help me creep on women extremely fast and that's what a rapist on the go needs. Looking through hundreds of pictures takes far too much time and it's time that I could be using stalking. I need psychiatric help." Technology is getting to the point where everything we ever wanted is at our fingertips and this, this is what people are coming up with. TL;DR A new app called Badabing! searches through your friends' pictures and finds the ones where a lot of skin is showing. Badabing! For iOS Helps You Find All Of Your Facebook Friends’ Bikini Pics [TechCrunch] Posted by Atkins under Tech
This seems about right for every party I ever threw in college.
How many times have you tried to throw an absolute rager but ended up ruining everybody's night because you don't know how to calculate how many kegs you should actually get? You could always go with getting as many as you can afford, but then you might have beer left over for a while. I found an app today that will help you calculate out everything you'll need from kegs to ice and cups. The Keg Wizard calculates how many kegs you'll need by how many people there will be and how much they'll be drinking. That way you won't run out, which nine times out of 10 leads to your house being destroyed in a riot. I wish that so many houses in college would have looked at something like this before throwing parties and charging people. Maybe if you didn't charge 100 people $10 a cup when you only bought two kegs your living room wouldn't have been set on fire. Once I would get to a party that had the audacity to charge me to drink, my first instinct was to look around and do some quick math. If it didn't look like there would be enough for everybody at the party, I would sit down next to the keg and drink as much as I could until I was unable to walk a straight line. Sure, everybody was mad but what do I care, I'm going to get my money's worth. It's not my fault, there should have been enough beer for everybody, now somebody's going to have to kill their cat. TL;DR The amount of times I've been to a party without enough beer for everybody could have been avoided if they used something like the Keg Wizard. Beer Calculator [Kegerators.com] Posted by Atkins under Tech
Contrary to popular belief, typing porn repeatedly into Google doesn't give you super porn.
If you're a guy you most undoubtedly have fired through every porn site imaginable searching for anything that could please you because you're such a pervert. Rifling off through Redtube, YouPorn, Pornhub, XVideos, and others that I can't think of off the top of my head but I'm sure you've found because you're such a deviant. It's not always easy finding porn featuring two men, one who is a midget, a woman dressed as a goat, and an actual goat. No need to worry anymore, because with Pornoogle everything you're looking for is at the tip of your fingers. The search engine, brought to you by ICM Registry, will feature porn, and only porn, in its search queries. It will also be ad free, safe from viruses, and no I'm not linking you to any of this stuff. I'm fairly sure this is what the internet has been waiting for since its inception, not just for those looking for porn but for those who don't trust Google's SafeSearch (you shouldn't). You mean to tell me that I can have all of my normal search queries separated from my dirty porn ones so my girlfriend doesn't think I'm the world's dirtiest human being every time she types any letter into Google's search box? All of my prayers have been answered, I can now die happy. I would still like to see how they plan to keep it virus free. If there's one thing that's a certainty about the internet, it's that porn will always give your computer a virus. TL;DR A new search engine, Pornoogle, will only return porn-related search queries, all the time. Pornoogle: Yes, a search engine just for porn [CNET] Posted by Atkins under Tech
How are these people smiling, don't they have jobs?
I assumed that nobody was all that interested in the iPhone 5 since everybody seems to only want to complain about it. Seems my assumptions are incorrect as customers are already lining up outside Apple stores in New York. In fact, they have been there since last Friday, a full week in advance. Even though a good portion of those waiting in line will be there solely to buy the new iPhone, some are there simply for the publicity. Being in the front of the line brings publicity from media outlets who interview the line sitters, a perfect opportunity to put themselves (or a product they've created) in the limelight. There's no part of me that would wait in line for a week for anything. Even if I was waiting in line for food because the world was in dire straights, I would sit at home and simply starve to death. Standing outside in a line for anything doesn't seem like a good time to me. I could probably go sit in line and bring a lot of publicity to this website. It wouldn't cost me anything except about a week of my free time, but I'm still not going to do that. I'll just sit here inside writing jokes and hope that people find their way here somehow. Am I lazy? Yes. Unmotivated? Yes. I'm not sure where I was going with that. TL;DR People have already been waiting for the iPhone 5, camping out at stores a week in advance. Line already forming in New York for iPhone 5 [CNET] Posted by Atkins under Tech | | Like us on Facebook for funny pictures every day! |
Every iPhone I've ever seen has looked exactly like this.
I think it's a safe guess that anybody who's reading this has broken a phone at some point in their lives. Personally I've broken about three; either from dropping it in water, spilling something on it, or whipping it out the window of a moving vehicle when it frustrates me. The amount of money Americans are spending to replace broken phones is an absurd amount though. People have spent $5.9 billion (that's right, I said billion) on broken iPhones since their introduction. That's for the cost of repairs, replacements, or insurance deductibles after somebody accidentally destroys their phone. Turns out Apple purposely makes your phones easily breakable so you have to buy new ones. Has anybody ever owned a Nokia? You could fire one of those things out of a cannon into a brick wall and it would be fine. I once beat a man to death with one, then called 911 to say that he tripped and fell. When the ambulance showed up the EMTs rushed by me and knocked my phone out of my hand into a puddle. I got mad that somebody could be so rude as to not even apologize for bumping into another person so I picked up the phone and fired it off the EMT's face, then called myself a cab. The point of the story is that maybe Apple should make their phones more like Nokia does. TL;DR Apple makes iPhones so they'll break if you look at them wrong, which is why people have spent $5.9 billion replacing broken ones. How much do Americans spend on damaged iPhones? [Infographic] [9to5Mac] Posted by Atkins under Tech
The best way to block a company from selling a better product is to copy their work and sell it first.
If there's a business model that would compete with Apple suing anybody and everybody for copyright infringement it would be the model adopted by a Chinese manufacturer who used leaked iPhone 5 specs to slap together a phone exactly like it. The best part about this is that the manufacturer has patented the design and plans to sue Apple if it tries to sell their iPhone 5 in China. With a name like Goophone I5 as well it's not even like they're trying to hide what they're doing. After Apple relentlessly sued Samsung into oblivion it's good to see somebody coming back at Apple. Forgetting for a moment the amount of laws this breaks and a complete lack of common decency, I personally hate companies that use armies of lawyers [read:Apple] to tear down everybody else. Imagine if this was allowed for every invention? It would be like the Wild West for tech companies. Soon there would be spies and companies murdering each other's employees to steal their inventions. That's the type of world I want to live in, full of action and it would play out just like a movie. TL;DR A Chinese manufacturer creates a smartphone by copying leaked iPhone 5 photos and plans to sue Apple if they try to sell the iPhone 5 in China. Chinese company uses leaked photos to copy, patent iPhone 5 design [BGR] Posted by Atkins under Tech
There will be no more shitting in your neighbors yard once this thing is in the air.
The only logical technological advancement forward for law enforcement is toward constant surveillance until you reach something like what's in Minority Report. It seems like Lancaster, Calif. will get to experience this first as a Cessna plane with surveillance equipment that will fly loops over the city, forever, will send footage directly back to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department. While the plane is designed to find crimes in progress, officials do admit that it will compile video of people who don't even know it's there. I'm at a point where a story like this pops up and I don't even care anymore. Somebody is going to invade my privacy eventually so I might as well stop complaining about it. They've won, I've given up, and the amount of outdoor showers will decline despite how great they are. If you have never been in an outdoor shower or if your only experience with one is the shitty contraptions that you hose yourself down with at the beach, I suggest finding a real outdoor shower because it's invigorating. It's not exactly comforting to know that soon there could be a person watching me shower because they can see everything from the sky now. TL;DR Lancaster, Calif. will have a plane feeding video directly to police all the time, effectively taking any privacy the residents had and flushing it down the toilet. City To Be Watched By Permanent Eye In The Sky [InfoWars] Posted by Atkins under Tech
Finally, the ability to buy things without having to sign up for anything.
One of the biggest hurdles when it comes to musicians is finding simple ways to get their music to their fans. Gumroad is a web payment startup that takes all of the hassle out of ordering music online. Just the other day I ordered one song from Amazon for 89 cents and had to sign up for their service, give them all types of information that's not necessary, and had to use their app to even download my music. Gumroad takes all of that out of the process, opening up a simple pop-up where you enter your email and credit card information, and that's it. Then you have the music you were searching for right there in your hands. With Gumroad this can all be done without ever leaving a site either. This has to leave record labels in a panic. Artists such as Wiz Khalifa, Girl Talk and David Banner are already using Gumroad to get their music and videos to customers. There's no more middle man who's sucking up money from artists and jacking up prices for no real reason. Not only that but it makes buying things online so much easier that you can do it in seconds. It might not be good for those of you who have no control over your impulses, but for those of us who have self control and simply want an easier way to buy music, videos, books, and basically anything else somebody can sell us, we finally have it. TL;DR Gumroad gives everybody an easy way to sell products directly to consumers without a middle man. Girl Talk goes Gumroad: a web payment startup woos pop stars [The Verge] Posted by Atkins under Tech
Airships are something that I have been a fan of ever since I was a kid. Just the thought of giant airships roaming the skies makes me feel warm inside, which is why I'm so excited that the U.S. army has recently launched the Long Endurance Multi-Intelligence Vehicle (LEMV) in a test flight which flew over Lakehurst Naval Air Station for 90 minutes. What the army is hoping for is loading the airships with surveillance equipment, making them a much more cost effective alternative to the surveillance drones that are in operation today. I honestly don't care about any of the military uses for these ships, when exactly will I be able to buy one for myself? They're designed to be able to stay in the air for three weeks, that means I could travel to foreign countries with ease just like in every video game I've ever played. I know what you're thinking, and no, putting hundreds of these things in the air filled with civilian pilots is not a bad idea. Just because people have trouble driving cars on the ground doesn't mean they wouldn't have an easier time in the air. There are different levels of altitude folks, plus I can't envision any crash with that thing being horrific. TL;DR My childhood dreams of filling the skies with airships may come true in my lifetime as the U.S. army launched an airship for a test flight. US hybrid military airship makes first flight [NewScientist] Posted by Atkins under Tech
Even with that giant camera on the top I would drive it.
Pushing the human race farther and farther into the world of tomorrow, Google has come a long way with their self-driving cars. Their cars have completed 300,000 miles so far without a single accident, although Google still says there is a lot of work that needs to be done. Even though the cars can handle normal driving conditions, other factors such as snow and temporary construction areas need to be addressed. After all you don't want your car driving you into a tree because it couldn't navigate a construction zone. Google is optimistic about the project though, planning to let some team members drive the cars solo, whereas they've always been driven by a two-man team. I don't care what Google needs to do to get these cars to the public but I wish they would do it fast. Driving to work in the morning is time that I could spend sleeping or finishing up work. Take public transportation you say? Sit on a railroad spike I retaliate with, I hate public transportation. Taking something like the bus in the morning, especially into a city like Boston, one would assume that it would be all young professionals making their way to work. Not so fast, for some reason there are still dirty people everywhere and the bus always smells like you're marinating in ball soup. Not exactly my cup of tea. TL;DR Google has come a long way with their self-driving cars, completing 300,000 miles without an accident. Google’s Self-Driving Cars Complete 300K Miles Without Accident, Deemed Ready For Commuting [TechCrunch] Posted by Atkins under Tech
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