First of all, let me save your ears and tell you to hit mute before you start this video as the soundtrack is possibly the worst highlight music of all time. Secondly, you should know ahead of time that the entire thing is in fast-forward, so she's not as fast as they want you to think. Ok, now that the disclaimers are out of the way you have to admit this girl is pretty good. Her name is Sam Gordon and she rushed for 35 TDs and 1,911 yards this year. 

But when you really think about it - girls develop way faster than boys at this age. I mean, come on, you can see her tits through her shoulder pads. So physically, she's much more mature than all these boys. That's just not fair. Also, I didn't see any black kids on the field so, you know, that's like, cheating too. Add it all up and you have just an average player cheating her way through Pop Warner. Bad form, Sam, bad form.

Posted by Anthony under Videos

A lot of great things come about because everybody has access to the internet, and then there's atrocities to humankind such as Rebecca Black's "Friday," or somehow, even worse, Gnesa's "Wilder." I haven't heard singing this bad since I ran over that middle school choir when I was drunk; they never stopped singing even after I'm sure I crushed all their bones. Or they may have been crying out in pain, I'm not sure, all I do know is that it was more in key than this song. Whenever you read that something is bad you never think it's going to be this bad, but I wanted to shoot myself in the face listening to this song. I even turned on "Friday" just to get the sound out of my head.

How could somebody, anybody, create this and think to themselves "this sounds amazing." Only a terrorist would think like that, and that's what Gnesa is. She may not be attacking my freedoms but I feel as though my temporal lobe has just been raped by a gorilla. Why wasn't this video blocked in my country? I can't watch a music video with Tinie Tempah but this somehow can get onto my monitor? I would rather witness kittens being cooked for a roaming pack of hungry pedophiles. I hate the internet sometimes.

TL;DR The internet hit a new low today with Gnesa's music video for "Wilder."

Posted by Atkins under Videos

My mother has a more irrational fear of lightning than anybody could possibly imagine. If there's so much as a cloud outside she's in her room with the dog, cowering in the corner. That's even though the odds of being hit by lightning are about one in 775,000 and she only knows one person who has ever been struck by lightning. If she ever watches this video, which I doubt she will because she thinks my time spent on this website is a disappointment to our entire family, she might not ever leave the house. They say the safest place to be during a lightning strike is in the car though and this video proves it.

I have a few questions that need to be answered because this is Russia and I don't understand their way of life. Does every single person who owns a car own a dash-cam as well? Granted the internet has gotten so much better now that Russia has discovered recording equipment, I just don't understand why everybody needs to record their everyday drives. Is driving around in Russia so unpredictable that everybody needs to record every trip they take because something ridiculous is bound to happen eventually? It must, because whoever was driving the car didn't immediately get out of the car and run down the highway screaming after a fucking lightning bolt hit their SUV.

TL;DR A dash-cam catches a lightning bolt hitting a car on the highway in Russia because they catch everything on video in Russia.

Posted by Atkins under Videos

If there's one animal that I would never want to mess with it's a bull. Forgetting that they weigh an average of 2,700 pounds, they also have huge horns designed to gore people who like to screw with them. Unfortunately that doesn't happen to the woman in this video as she's insanely lucky, but we do get to witness the bull tossing her around the ring like a ragdoll. You think she would have learned her lesson when the bull charged her at about 15 seconds into the video, but being rammed full speed in the stomach must not bother some people.

People who end up being gored by bulls must be enraged when they see something like this. You mean that an athletic 20-something-year-old can't outrun a bull but a middle aged housewife can take multiple shots without being gored? That makes you look like the biggest pansy on the planet. You could make the argument that I'm not allowed to say anything because I've never gone toe-to-toe with a bull, but I also write for the internet, I'm allowed to say whatever I want. It doesn't matter if my most manly accomplishment is crocheting a sweater for when it's cold out, I'm still going to point out that a woman took some blows from a bull better than some men do.

TL;DR A drunk woman takes on a bull and ends up being run over repeatedly.

Posted by Atkins under Videos

Road rage is something that can overcome anybody, driving in traffic is one of the most frustrating things you can ever put a human being through. There are assholes everywhere on the road, but some of the worst offenders are drivers who won't let other cars merge. This video from Russia (of course it's from Russia) shows a SUV trying to merge when a car won't let it. The SUV keeps trying and trying but for some reason the car decides that being a douchebag is the best plan of action. So the SUV comes up with a plan for revenge, it speeds ahead then pulls over on the shoulder. When the car passes it again it speeds up hitting a massive puddle, dousing the car. An important aspect to remember is that the car's windows are down.

I've seen road rage of epic proportions and to be honest I would rather have somebody follow me home and shoot me. There is definitely an evil genius in the SUV because hosing down everything inside a person's car with dirty water is the biggest fuck you on the planet. Instead of just killing the person they're mad at, the driver most definitely ruins everything in the other person's car. The driver of the car has to now deal with that which is a fate worse than death. By the amount of water splashed through the windows I would say there is approximately an equivalent of having a river in there. You don't want to sit in that while you're driving, there's no way that's ever going to dry out.

TL;DR A SUV hoses a car that wouldn't let it merge with about a million gallons of water.

Posted by Atkins under Videos

The only things I know about Russia are from TV, so the only things I know about Russia are that it's always winter, full of bears, and people die doing basic things like simply being at a gas station. The crash in this video happened in Orenburg where a bus carrying 30 passengers collided with a truck and crashed into a gas station. Surprisingly nobody was seriously injured and the guy who happened to be standing there wasn't crushed to death.

I don't know what I would do in this situation but I have to imagine that I would do something more than flinch when a bus and a truck come careening into the gas station crashing into everything. I understand he's Russian and is used to these types of things happening all the time, but he has to have some type of self-preservation mechanism in him to want get out of the way. More importantly, what was the driver of the truck looking at when he made what clearly looked like an illegal U-turn on the highway? Didn't make any sense to me how he thought that would even remotely work.

TL;DR A Russian man barely escapes being crushed to death by a bus and a truck.

Posted by Atkins under Videos

I've never been in any horrific accidents because I'm a good driver. The guy in the video probably doesn't have the same skill set as he crashed his car through the front gardens of properties in Dudley, West Midlands. I've seen some impressive car crashes before, and while this might not take the cake it's definitely a good one. I've never actually seen a person flip out of their sunroof before and be completely fine like nothing happened. Either he's very limber or was very drunk.

Out of the entire thing he should be thanking whoever he needs to thank that the car didn't roll on top of him. That video could have gone from amusing to horrific really quick if you had to watch a person be crushed to death by a two ton vehicle. Needless to say I'm a little upset that there's no video leading up to the crash. Was he driving like a maniac and lose control of the car or was he just texting and smashed into a wall because everybody keeps telling me that's what happens when you text and drive? These are need to know facts.

TL;DR A guy crashed his car through some gardens only to flip out of the sunroof at the end.

Posted by Atkins under Videos

Weddings are some of the best shindigs that you can attend because they're the most fun. Everybody's there to celebrate one of their friends happiest days and nobody is allowed to act like an asshole, so everyone is in a good mood. That doesn't stop women from going completely insane when it comes to tossing the bouquet though. For some reason women lose all their inhibitions as they try to catch some flowers because it means they're next in line to be married.

I don't understand women at all but are they trying so hard to catch the bouquet because they're desperate or because they're just that competitive? Take the woman who made the most unathletic leap in the history of the world for example. She gets up and pretends like she's still having a good time (whether or not is questionable) but is she dying inside because she's so lonely? Not to mention the woman who did catch the bouquet is waving it around in her face like an ass. It's all fun and games until somebody goes home and cries to their cats.

TL;DR A woman tries to catch the bouquet at a wedding and ends up flat on her face.

Posted by Atkins under Videos

I came across this video today and was hoping for somebody to die but sadly that didn't happen. A Chinese acrobat who thought it would be a good idea to walk across a 650-foot chasm in the Hunan Province on a tightrope, backward, while blindfolded, without any safety equipment fell from the tightrope. Fortunately for him he was toward the end of the rope as he had been walking for 50 minutes before he fell and only suffered minor injuries. 

How lucky does he have to feel that he didn't fall until the very end? He had slipped earlier in the walk which would have undoubtedly killed him if he fell, which is what the internet wants. I'm just wondering if blindfolding himself helped him out here or hindered him. After all you're walking backward so you're not looking where you're going anyway, plus the blindfold keeps you from realizing how far over the ground you are. To be honest it might be a handicap and points should be taken away from him. I don't know if tightrope walkers keep track of points but maybe they should start.

TL;DR A tightrope walker fell from the wire over a 650-foot chasm and somehow survived with minor injuries.

Posted by Atkins under Videos

Here's something that you probably shouldn't watch if you have a weak stomach, a man in Russia base jumping from a high voltage line. Doesn't seem all that bad until you realize his parachute doesn't open correctly and you just watched a human being drop 400 feet to the ground. This happened in March but the footage was just released, although as of now he's walking again. I was under the impression that for a base jump you're supposed to open your parachute way before he did but what do I know, I've never fallen hundreds of feet to the ground like a cartoon character.

My absolute favorite part of the video is when the guy recording has absolutely no reaction to what just happened. Most people would scramble down to help their friend who just fell 400 feet into the ground. Sure there's snow down there and it did make an impact exactly like that of Wile E. Coyote, which as bad as this is made me laugh, but I'm fairly certain that the human body isn't supposed to withstand that. At the very least I'm glad I learned something today, you won't explode when you hit the ground from that height. Sure you might suffer a concussion, broken pelvis and spinal injury, but all those things can be fixed. Unless you were trying to base jump to get away from zombies which raises the question how did they get up into the tower in the first place?

TL;DR A guy somehow survives a 400 foot fall from a high voltage line.

Posted by Atkins under Videos